There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
