And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
