I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
