can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
