so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
