Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
