we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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