i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
