I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
