My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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