Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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