The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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