k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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