That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
