If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
