I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
