I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
