Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
