Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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