On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
