my shit smells like andre
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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