I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize