He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
