Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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