Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
