Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
