i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
