problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
