My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
