in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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