I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
