Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
