The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
