Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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