he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
