He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
