Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
