is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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