Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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