He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
