And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
