Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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