We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
