Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
