I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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