I just saw a hot homeless man
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
