I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
