the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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