I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
