then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
