How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
