Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just cut my nipple shaving
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
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there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
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I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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