Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
