im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize