I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
