her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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