If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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