I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
