Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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