You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
