You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
