shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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