it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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