oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
