My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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