I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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