mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
