I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize