I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
pray to the hookup gods
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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