So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
