Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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