My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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