The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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