Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Randomize
