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We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
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Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
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Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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