I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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