hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
