How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
