i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
