Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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