ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
