You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You're like the curious george of whores
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Let's get the cat blown out
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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